You ever stop and look up at the sky? I mean really look? Look past the misty stars to try and see what there is beyond the twinkling lights? Try to peer past the shades of the deepest black and darkest blue and wonder what else is out there?
I still remember the night that I stopped and looked up at the sky. I was 22 years old, almost done with college and I was bored. This isn't the kind of bored that makes you go grab snacks out of the pantry, which to be honest, I was really good at doing during this point of my college career. However it was the kind of restlessness that you felt deep in your soul, and keeps you awake at night.
I was walking down my east Texas driveway at dark and I paused and looked up. With a sharp intake of breath, the sky looked bigger than I had ever noticed before. There were so many shades of inky black and midnight blue; and my God I whispered in wonder, the sky seemed to stretch on forever. With a sharp intake of breath I found I had several questions starting to surface and I couldn't answer any of them.
What is your plan after college is done? What do you want to be? Why am I bored? What does the sky look like against the mountains at night. Can I be the new girl somewhere else and find peace?
As I stood in the driveway gazing at the endless Texas sky, I knew in my soul that I had to leave for a little while. While I wasn't entirely sure where wanted to go at the time, I just knew I had to change zip codes. The day after college graduation, I packed up my belongings and moved to Colorado. As I drove down the 160 freeway in Colorado and looked up at the Rookie Mountain range, I felt something in my soul shift. This was the moment that I felt the calling that I heard in my soul had finally been answered. If there was a doubt in my mind, it was reaffirmed when I sat atop a horse near the top of a valley. The sight of the mountain tops and sky that stretched forever into the horizon snatched my breath away, and it would take an entire novel to fully express the emotions that washed through my spirit while sitting on top of that horse as close to heaven as one human could get while on earth.
Fast forward about thirteen years ...
This is the kind of restless spirit that I seem to have passed on to my own child. She is filled with a fire in her belly and a restlessness in her heart that rivals my own. This restlessness seems to be soothed by the sight of the mountains and the hum of a running river. My daughter has grown even deeper in her unease while being stuck at home during this COVID crisis. I find that she is constantly stretching our hikes a little further each time, only to stumble across more fences. She turns to me each time with a grunt "Momma I just wanna go!" "Baby" I sigh, one day we will be able to go on another adventure, however in the mean time we need to sit tight. Lets just try to appreciate the small adventures at the farm. Kylie smiles at me with a twinkle in her eye, "you know what is pretty funny to watch momma?" She asks with a little two much laughter rising in her throat. "What would that be?" I answer with skepticism. "She busts out laughing, watching you run from snakes!!"
At least she is still finding humor among the chaos.
