I am a nerd. There I said it!! I'm not talking about the kind of nerd with the taped up glasses that can regurgitate information at the drop of a hat. I am the kind of nerd that loves learning. I love learning about some of the most abstract things. I will go from an audio pod cast on the tudor dynasty to pre human archaeology, all the way self help and self growth. So it was no surprise when I discovered Glennon Doyle's new book "Untammed" I got lost in it.
In the mornings while I work horses I enjoy listening to audio books. Again these audio books run the gambit of interests, but a few mornings ago I began Glennon Doyle's new book "Untammed." She starts by describing a trip that she and her wife took with their kids to see something called a "cheetah run." Where the animal keepers let a cheetah chase a torn up pink bunny in order to show how fast the cheetah can run. After the run was over, the animal keepers were asking for questions from the audience and one young girl raised her hand and asked if the cheetah missed being in the wild. The animal keeper laughed into her mic and said no sweetie she was born here in captivity so she doesn't know any different. Glennon then goes on to describe a conversation that she had with the Cheetah in her mind. Where the cheetah says she imagines a life for herself that is more beautiful than this one.
I remember listening to this story and thinking gosh, how often do we imagine a life that is more beautiful than the one we are currently living. I am not saying that the life that you are in isn't a beautiful one, but what if we gave ourselves a moment to allow ourselves to imagine something grander. A life where physical and monetary restrictions weren't here to hold you back, what would that life look like. While riding one of my training horses I remember stopping and looking out across the empty field and imagining what if ...
I have to admit my life is a pretty beautiful and remarkable life. My daughter and I talk a lot on the way back from horse back riding competitions. One late night on the way back from a barrel race we were chit chatting about random things and she got real serious for a moment, she said momma can I ask you a question. Yea baby, I answered. "Why don't you compete more in the barrel races and jumper competitions?" Well sweetie I answered softly, I would rather watch you compete (knowing in my heart how much I miss the consistency of both arenas) ... she reached over and touched my hand, but momma she returned "I would rather watch you compete."
The way she answered that, kind of got me thinking. As much as I have imagined this beautiful life watching my daughter pick up my mantle of horse back riding, she has imagined a more beautiful life of me riding with her.
Coming back to the book that I am in the middle of listening to right now, it makes perfect since. Glennon talks about how we need to uncage the idea of mother. Motherhood isn't all about being in the kitchen and picking up kids after volleyball, or standing on the side of the arena watching my daughter ride. Its about being in the middle of it all, doing and feeling it all with my child. As much as I want to fall on my sword and give and give of myself to make sure that my daughter has every opportunity, my daughter would rather me live my life beside her. Instead of becoming a martyr of a mother, she wants me to be a living mother and go on adventures with her. She would rather see me ride with her, make mistakes, continue to learn, or win with her than stand on the side lines and applaud.
So here is to mothers. Let us imagine a beautiful life of living with our kids in the sunlight and not on the side lines. Let us take the chances of loss, let our kids see us struggle, learn and grow and still remain grateful. I am here with you fellow Mommas!! Let us step into the sunlight with our kids and live a more beautiful life with them, preferably from the back of a horse.
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